today I met Michelle

She's the meeting leader for Wed. evening Weight Watchers meetings in Northridge. Normally I go Wednesday mornings and Shelly is a good leader, but Michelle is great! She's powerful and upfront and incredibly real and honest and hard core to the truth. I loved being there tonight and that's good, because I did NOT want to go in the first place.

Whatever function is off inside of me right now, it's starting to go back on again. Like dissappear...thank God! And part of it was tonight. Perfectionism hurts us all. "It's about getting slim, not saintly." I tend to struggle with this a lot, the ALL or NOTHING mentality. And like Nancy Ortberg once preached at Axis, if you are usually a person like this, the norm is you will get nothing. And that sucks. I remember that message like it was preached yesterday. Michelle reitterated on the topic and also threw out this quote from her children's school. It is better to be an "A" person and a "C" student than a "C" person and an "A" student. I cried at this. Because there is a lot of beating up going on inside my little head and heart for the last couple of days. Some of it stems from falling off of the good eating wagon for a crazy meal out with Michelle and the rest is internal. I'm looking forward to therapy tomorrow. It's been two weeks and there's much to discuss.

I'm just glad that I went. I am glad that today at Boot Camp I went...and ran the whole 2 miles when I wanted to give up and that I did my swim and run and made good decisions today. It's a lifestyle change. All of this...my inward journey, my outward appearance. My eating habits, my self talk, my heart going home, my conversations with others and the words I speak and choose, my falling off and getting back on.
So, as I learned to ride a horse around the ring with a guide, now I'm learning how to gallop. Yippie, and hang on, grace is needed and freely given by the ring master.